April 2020.

I started writing,

every day.

Since then, I have never stopped.

The questions bombarded my mind at night.

I have spent the last 38 years living inside a psychological island, isolated from society. 

I have tried to cope with the abnormality of being born as a gifted child, 

the hyper sensitivity, 

the increase of the senses, sight and hearing in synesthesia, 

a constant nagging "I should" feeling, 

the shame and guilt when someone would throw at me " you're too much", 

the exhausting overachievement process, an endless creativity, and alacrity for everything,

beaten up by new ideas to get access to an imaginary better world.

Mai 2019, 

I got tired suddenly, emotionnaly

They call it burn out

I could not deal with any close human being around.

I created a world of silence,

on the paper,

creating a space made of words,

a huge one.

My home is now a cave of serenity brought by the silence of the words. 

I was trained as a child by a father, a poet, who reading read poetry to me continuously,

my mind was filled with words I didn't even understand.

"Infatuer, billevesée atermoiements, déférence, déliquescence, occire, alacrité", the list could be long as these words has created a world inside of myself that I could never translate even to French native speakers as rare are the person who know or use these pearls. 

I kept them inside like a treasure, they constantly dance around my fire.  

I deposit them on the paper,

every day. 

They draw the landscape of the psychological journey of a human in search of meaning in a world where superficiality, cowardice, nihilism are always watching you around the corner. They give a structure to an essay about the different states of a depression, that I see part of a deep cleaning process, a necessary dejection of all the bitterness, the resistances, a real catharsis to discover oneself in a different way.

 

Celia is creating since 2019 a concept of art residency for women, an exhibition format, a concept of performance, a video installation and an essay. Each of them is called The Enclosed Garden. It's a place where we reflect about who we are, as life is short and every day is a new opportunity to grow new plants. 

Slowly I will start posting chapters of this long term full-length Essay.