I started writing,
Since then, I have never stopped.
The questions bombarded my mind at night.
I have spent the last 38 years living inside a psychological island, isolated from society.
I have tried to cope with the abnormality of being born as a gifted child,
the hyper sensitivity,
the increase of the senses, sight and hearing in synesthesia,
a constant nagging "I should" feeling,
the shame and guilt when someone would throw at me " you're too much",
the exhausting overachievement process, an endless creativity, and alacrity for everything,
beaten up by new ideas to get access to an imaginary better world.
I got tired suddenly, emotionnaly
They call it burn out
I could not deal with any close human being around.
I created a world of silence,
on the paper,
creating a space made of words,
a huge one.
My home is now a cave of serenity brought by the silence of the words.
I was trained as a child by a father, a poet, who reading read poetry to me continuously,
my mind was filled with words I didn't even understand.
"Infatuer, billevesée atermoiements, déférence, déliquescence, occire, alacrité", the list could be long as these words has created a world inside of myself that I could never translate even to French native speakers as rare are the person who know or use these pearls.
I kept them inside like a treasure, they constantly dance around my fire.
I deposit them on the paper,
They draw the landscape of the psychological journey of a human in search of meaning in a world where superficiality, cowardice, nihilism are always watching you around the corner. They give a structure to an essay about the different states of a depression, that I see part of a deep cleaning process, a necessary dejection of all the bitterness, the resistances, a real catharsis to discover oneself in a different way.
Celia is creating since 2019 a concept of art residency for women, an exhibition format, a concept of performance, a video installation and an essay. Each of them is called The Enclosed Garden. It's a place where we reflect about who we are, as life is short and every day is a new opportunity to grow new plants.
Slowly I will start posting chapters of this long term full-length Essay.